benpasley.com sort of the town square in a town called ben

Time to Move

Situation Normal: I Am In Transition

My friend Chris Austin shared an perfect illustration at our most recent Worship@8500 gathering in the high country of Colorado. It was wrapped around the understanding we have of seasons: winter, spring, summer and fall, and how these seasons reflect the Lord’s sense of cyclical life in all things. His proposed that we have failed to recognize that in our lives this same cycle of change is always at work in us because we constantly act surprised when most of our gatherings contain people who confess, “I feel like we are in transition right now...” Chris concluded that since all of life (aka The Lion King) moves in cycles where there is birth, life, death, repeat that it is foolish to keep resisting the pain and joys that accompany these cycles, or to keep pretending like our life in Christ will somehow help us live without transition and change. I believe these cycles really do represent the regular transitions that we are always making in life and that we were meant to make. We do not live a life that simply excels from one revelation to the next without repentance, or one strength to the next without pain, or one place to the next without loss. Transition is situation normal for human beings.

Here are some things about transitions and change that we should learn to expect and learn to deal with:

• Change is awkward and transitions make us feel off balance.
• A sense of loss or being lost is normal during the intense middle of the transition.
• Melancholy or emotional reflection over the previous season is normal.
• Both fear of the future and crazy excitement over what is next are legitimate feelings.
• Change usually requires risk so forget trying to remove it from the equation.
• All risk allows for the potential to fail so get used to failure as a normal part of life.
• After the intensity of the change process a springtime will bloom in our lives and new joys follow.
• The strengths gained in a new place could not have been bought in the previous place.

Now, those were the first few things that came to my mind about transition in life. I have some more thoughts which might be good to write on later, but I didn’t intend this post to be a big article or a fully developed theme so I would like to use those thoughts about the normalcy of change as my introduction. What I really want to do is post some of my first thoughts about this specific question:

“When do I know that God wants me to move to another place as part of my maturing process?”

I ask this question here, because during our three day gathering I did put some pressure on the crowd to avoid bailing out of where they were because the perfect “church” had not magically appeared around them. I wanted them to measure their expectations of their local fellowship reasonably and not against the unreal awesomeness of a three day worship fandango in the woods of Colorado. I did not want them to just jump up and foolishly leave the place that God could be trying to teach them and mature them in. What I did not mean to imply, and what I hope I will be correcting here, is that we should never move. I believe quite the contrary.

You see, many people when confronted with new revelation, a chance to change, learn, get equipped, start over, or pursue a new career find themselves asking this specific question: “Is God asking me to move?” Some people find moving easy, others find it very hard. I think most people don’t move unless their situation is clearly demanding it or, in many cases, has reached a crisis point. I think as sons we can do better. I think we can consider and handle the question, “Should I move?” without having to be in crisis or without God having to write us a personal letter that radically shifts our life’s trajectory. Let’s consider a few things together.

Leaving to Get Away, or Leaving to Get To

One of our first hills to climb when discovering the answer to this question about moving is to become clear about whether we are running away from something or running to something. I think both answers, or blends of the two, could make very legitimate reasons for making a move. Really. Some people seriously need to get out of the situation they are in. Some people seriously need to get to the specific place required of them in order to obey God. I think usually we experience our decisions to move as a blend. What we do not want to do is confuse the two.

Confusing this issue leads to a couple of bad outcomes. We could find ourselves in a repetitive cycle of never being happy where we are and feeling a constant nagging to get away and move all the time if we fail to recognize our internal drive as a positive or negative force. In other words, our constant need to believe the grass is greener over there sound positive enough, but many times our hearts are really saying to us, “Hey, this grass you are standing on now sucks, and it will always suck.” The honest thing to say in order to let God speak to us is in this situation is, “Why, God, do I believe where I am is terrrible?” The answer can be revealing and maturing if we stop and allow honesty to enter in to our conversations, but if we just keep quoting the green grass bumper sticker then we, nor the people we love, will be able to understand our need to move and our repetition of the same issues everywhere we go.

There other bad outcome I can think of is when we try to foolishly avoid all negative experiences as though trials and pain were never God’s will. We know better from Scripture that we will share in Christ’s sufferings, that our heavenly Father will discipline those he loves, and that in this life we will suffer from the brokenness in our world, but it is amazing how quickly some of us shoot out sideways whenever any pressure is applied to us. That very pressure could be the hands of God trying to squeeze some maturity into us and if we shoot out like a lubricated rubber ball every time we don’t like where we are, then, in many cases, we will fail to learn and mature from the situation. We all know what that means when we have a loving Dad: repeat lesson.

The question I would ask to put these two reactionary urges into context is, “Friend, what is the trajectory of your life in God. Where are you two headed together?” If you know the answer to this question then each transitional move--whether large or small, simple or chaotic--can find a restful context.

Fear of Failure is Normal, but Not The Boss of You

Seriously, anyone who says they are not afraid to fail is full of it. Failure always involves some pain, some discomfort, some sense of loss, and who wouldn’t be afraid of that? The question to ask ourselves is, “Does my fear of failure paralyze or control me?” Some people feel the fear and dive out of the airplane anyway while others refuse to even consider the idea of skydiving saying “it is not from God.” What is the difference in these two kinds of people?

Well, I might have several things to say about this but for now I think I would share a couple encouraging words to help you overcome the paralyzing affects of fear in your life:

• You need people to care for you, pastor you, and watch over your soul. These people provide an anchor point of partnership and endorsement that give you the freedom to fail without losing what is really most important in life...people who care and love you regardless. Attach yourself to them at all costs.
• Write down what you really, really want out of life. Be courageous. Now look at the list and count the cost. I bet nothing on that list can be achieved if you avoid all possibility of failure. Now, you decide what is it worth to you to achieve your dreams?
• Ask the Holy Spirit to take you back into your life and show you any judgements you made against yourself or others made about you that relegated you into the “I can’t do it” category. Where did you fail big and get lost? Who failed to believe in you that deflated you as a child? When did you vow to never risk that again...and find yourself retreating from love, and life, and opportunity. Repent, seek healing, and believe God to help you overcome.
• Many times we are not really trying to discern whether or not we should move, but really we are trying to overcome our fear of doing anything risky. These are two different challenges and until you do direct, head on warfare with your fear of failure you will probably always struggle to the point of complete, paralyzing exhaustion with the question about a relocation.
• The way that healthy people overcome the fear of failure is they set their minds on the goal, they plan as much of the journey as they can, and they set out. They set out because they believe it is worth it. There is no goal in this life of value that will not cost you something to attain it. Begin the hike with the top of the peak in mind and when your legs burn, your mouth is dry, and your strength is running low you will remember, this will all be worth it when we get there.

Is Moving Ever Really Necessary?

I could have led this article with this question, but at least I got to it here. My answer: Of course it is absolutely necessary to move sometimes.
I have heard people say, “Well, you don’t ever need to move over there if you can just believe God for that right here.” Or, they might ask, “Why do you want to go and join so-and-so, aren’t we good enough?” or we might even say to ourselves, “I can probably do what God is saying to do right here.”

Hmmm.

I don’t think I like that kind of talk. It’s not that I don’t believe that in some situations we must stay put and obey God where we are, it’s just that the tone in all those remarks I quoted sound like a beat-down to me. All those phrases sound like folks trying to convince themselves that situation normal is always to stay put. That sounds contrary to the life that we were created to live.

Didn’t God tell Abraham to pack up his whole life and family and move? Didn’t he require Moses to relocate himself and the entire nation? Didn’t he move his own son from Nazareth to wander the entire regions of Judea and Samaria? Weren’t the disciples commanded to go into all the earth? Look, if you are wanting to establish a norm in our walk with God then just focus on the word walk. There is a reason we don’t call it sitting into maturity, or lying down into the next season with God. Movement is required of us. Transition is the human experience. Change is situation normal. Does that mean that this change is always geographical? Of course not. Does that mean that it will never be geographical? Nope, and if you hope for that you are probably serving an idol of location in your heart and you need to repent.

Here is our situation normal in a two part nutshell: Stay ready to move because God is always moving. Enjoy where you are right up until the truck is packed and you are wiping tears as you waive goodbye to the last season. Yes, that was a bit metaphorical in scope, but it is also literal in terms of location. People: be where you are. But don’t let where you are rule you or contain you. You must stay ready to go because it reflects your understanding that God is in motion and that you are his at all times.

People who can put moving into a health context are the people that see each move as part of staying “on direction” with God. We don’t move because moving is cool, we move because moving is absolutely necessary to stay the course as we have imagined our trajectory with God. If we have a sense of our destiny, and the destiny he has placed on our family there will be no move that will not fit into our storyline with God. Each move regardless of how large or how small fits into the greater narrative--the great story of destiny--in our lives with God.
You asked so I am answering: The most important reason I see to move is to be closer to the people God has called you to for the season.

How Do I Know it is the Lord?

You might be surprised here when I make this bullet-point list, but most of this stuff is very practical. Some of it is mystical, but much is down to earth common sense.

• Does where you are feel like a bath tub with no water in it? Are you butt naked in an empty tub of grace where the drain plug of God’s provision was pulled a while back? Sometimes God uses discomfort and lack of provision to drive us out of where we have been. This can be discerned as a different state than you just realizing you hate where you are and that you are angry at everyone. This falls under the simple supernatural phrase: Time’s Up.
• Has someone of specific grace to lead and train you for life just opened up the door of opportunity for you? Has a significant leader, pastor, equipper just winked at you to “come and join me.” If you didn’t know this, these opportunities are rare and valuable. If you don’t take advantage of them in season, you have to wait a while for the next season and next leader to come around. This can be highlighted in the kingdom of God by understanding that when you find a treasure in the field you have to act fast, spend the money, and make the move. In the kingdom: People Are Everything.
• Has your obsession with a particular work, a special people, or unique project just come clear to you on the map of the world? Did you just realize that in that specific place, uniquely, the stars and moon have aligned so that you can jump right into the middle of your dreamscape? Who do you think lined all that up? Are you seriously going to sit your hands and wait for the next eclipse instead of going outside to see this one? Even unbelievers follow this principle in going to college, pursuing a spouse, or getting a job. I wonder if kingdom sons could find it just as obvious when it is time to join an apostolic team, take the gospel to a specific community, or receive pastoring from the right gardener for the season?
• Have you been asking God for very specific things related to your dreams and your maturing life? Of course, I am hoping that you have since, “you have not because you ask not.” In other words start now if you haven’t been asking God for provision, opportunity and miracles in this regard. If you have, then when you see the answers come...have you had sense enough to blame God for them and jump? Every perfect gift comes down from our Father and our expectation for him to answer our prayers should be proven by our willingness to instinctively jump into his arms when we see them outstretched towards us. Sometimes we have to confess: God Is Answering My Prayer Over There.
• Sure, ask God for dreams, vision, prophetic words, confirming words, Scriptures, signs in the heavens and on the earth. Expect him to speak to you through just about any means whether natural or mystical. What we all know is that if you want to manipulate a “no” or a “yes” you can trust just about anything to give you what you want. If you have a genuine heart to trust God in your move, you will probably base your decision on more of the practical stuff I have already listed because you trust your dreams are from him and that his hand of leadership is always on your life. You will know that you are following Jesus, and that you are on your destiny journey with him. Signs usually only confirm what we already “know” in our sonship walk with Dad, and only occasionally will a supernatural work be a radical departure from where we know we are already headed with him. It is true that the Good Shepherd speaks supernaturally to his sheep, but it is first true that: Sheep Go With The Shepherd.

How Fast Should I Go?

I love this one. Some of you who know me might guess that I just instinctively pull the rip cord and jump out of the plane of big decisions all the time. Not true. Those are just the ones you noticed because I am so stylish and I have a cape.
I think the number one rule for speed is The Speed of Relationships. I don’t mean that others should control you, or that you go so slow that no one even notices or feels any pain. That’s crazy. What I mean is that once you have a firm sense of your direction with God and you know the goal, then it is time to immediately make plans to go, and your process and departure date should keep these basics in mind:

• Who is most affected by my departure, and how will I honor them with love and value when I announce my move? How do I let them know what they mean to me, and how do allow them to grieve with me during the process of change? We must refuse to just dump our transitions on the people who love us like they are strangers who don’t care. Our move will change many people’s lives, so we must honor them before, during, and after the process.
• Who is going to be affected by my arrival in the new place? These folks must also be allowed to process your transition in real time. We are not just going to show up like uninvited guests expecting dinner. People who are going to meet us want to know if we left the last place well, what are expectations are for this new place, what our goals are for this part of our journey with God, and what we want from them. All of these things deserve to be a two way street of communication...not just a newsletter mail-out or a shiney application for acceptance.
• Who is going with me? This might be the biggest question of all. Abraham didn’t let his teenagers tell him when to go, but I will make the assumption that we should always look them in the eyes, talk to them about our destiny, and have real conversations about the price we are all going to pay during the change. Spouses and children need to process with, not behind our decision. Too many families have been blown apart by a selfish, inconsiderate decision to make a big change without the appropriate time given to make sure everyone had packed for the journey and had buckled up for the road.
• Appropriate ropes and tubes need to be connected. What I am saying is that some people need to be tied on for their safety so you don’t leave them without some relational safety. They need to know you are not leaving them just because you are leaving their city, and you need to talk about what that really, practically means. Some tubes that carry grace and love and conversations need to be firmly secured so those God has called you to continue on with can stay connected. We use things like letters, cell phones, and automobiles to accomplish the work of staying connected with those we need to stay connected to. I called it work because it is work. We can’t assume that these connections, ropes, and tubes will stay hooked up unless we commit to the work or relationship. You better make sure you have the materials and energy before you commit to staying connected. I doubt Facebook is the answer.

Speaking of speed. I am writing this note on a Wednesday, July 7th, 2010. On Monday, June 28th, about 9 days ago, Michael and Nikki said, “We want to move here to Woodland Park. We want to learn more about pastoring, and we want to learn how to grow up as kingdom people, family people, and we don’t know of anywhere else better than right here with you [speaking to Robin and I and a few others.]” We blessed them in their process, told them they were welcome, went over a few basic expectation items, asked some questions, and expressed our hopes to just keep up with them over the coming season of change. They presently own a home about three hours north in Colorado, have two very small children, and needed some time to sort out the sale vs. rental logistics. Michael’s job would allow him to relocate fairly easily, and Nikki was 100% gung ho and we could tell she was ready to move. This was significant to see that readiness in a new mom‘s life which is often so given to nesting and staying put, and we told Michael to get ready to pack the truck.

I have known Michael for 17 years, and his family, and in the last few years we have grown much closer. We grew closer because we purposely chose to spend more time with each other. I have a heart to pastor them, and they like it. I don’t expect everyone I pastor to live near me, but I can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. This is important to note that we have some relational equity with one another because...
Today, we get an update. They have already rented the house they own up north to begin September 15 this year. They have already rented a house here in Woodland Park to begin October 15. They only have 30 days to solve in the in-between space of the two rental contracts. That is not going to be that hard because we and many others are going to help. Bam.

Be inspired. Go where God has called you to go. In this case, I could say go where you want to go because you know why you want to go there and you see nothing but God’s blessing on it.

By the way, I doubt either one of them have solved all the risks, managed all the opportunities to fail, or guaranteed a perfect outcome to this transition. What they did do is recognize their trajectory with God, set their sights on a goal, count the costs, and they decided it was worth it. They decided in the right now moment.

What’s my next step with Michael and Nikki? Well, it will be to send them this article before I even get it posted at Churchthink.com, and to open up direct conversations on all the things we have covered here, especially concerning The Speed of Relationships. How about you? What will be your next steps in your journey with God? Where is your next move?

Author: Ben Pasley

Time To Move a PDF ready for you!