29May/07Off
What do we do with the aging?
Ok, finally, we touch the last of three thoughts I have had about the difference between Family and Organizations. Very simple.
What do organizations do with their aging leaders? How do they perceive them?
What do families do with their aging leaders? How do they perceive them?
I will comment myself on this simple reflection after you weigh in with your thoughts.
August 12th, 2007 - 02:23
Right now I am working a casual recording session with my super talented brothers in Alabama and catching up on this blog post at the same time. I am, at once, both glad for the discussion and surprised that we are still identifying “church” with a building and system that we attend on Sunday morning. For real?
I was posing a question for Family builders, not meeting aficionados. The difference between what organizations and families do with the elderly is enormous, highly contrasted, and extremely revealing. I wasn’t asking what your local fellowship, it’s board, and voting members do with a retiring senior pastor. (Who, in most cases, was a great teacher, administrator, and meeting leader but was probably not your pastor.) In most cases, without the most distinguished of careers and the most mature family, he will be retired and forgotten as quickly as the new guy can establish his new plan which was cooked up with no reference to the garden already growing in that network…this is what Tony is referring to when he used the word “patricide”. Do I sound a bit jaded? Well, you may think so, but I think I have great sense of humor on the subject.
In September I may launch out on this some more, but just in case you are still checking in here over the summer here are some clarifying tips on this question:
1. How many of you visit the gravestones of your previous managers…or deceased pastors of your local fellowship?
2. How many managers of former jobs or fellowships are invited to your present family gatherings, reunions, or leadership meetings with a seat at the table?
3. What is the difference between a new manager and a new father as they consider their relationship with the manager/father before them. Pay special attention to words like lineage, displacement, and DNA.
Fun.
June 12th, 2007 - 19:31
This subject has such a wide spectrum of possibilities. I agree that there are many cultures in the world that give a much greater degree of respect to the aging than others.
As people grow older, do we value the wisdom they can pass on to us, or do we see them as outdated and irrelevant? I must admit, as a person in my mid-twenties, that I have very little concept of what the world was like when my grandparents, now in their seventies, were my age. My daughter learned to operate a computer at age 3, but computers have only existed for the minority of the lives of people in their age group. So many other things we take for granted, like electricity and all of the wonderful machines run on it, indoor plumbing…these have not always been standard, and there are still people alive today who remember that world. Do we see any value in that?
When we bring this to a spiritual level, what do we find? Do we value the religious traditions of aging members of our communities? Has America lost touch with the morals that were so common in their early lives? Do we care? Are we so sure we have something new that is so much better?
Being honest, I really prefer attending churches full of younger people than visiting my grandparents’ churches. I love worship with drums and guitars and worshippers who dance freely in the aisles. I’m not trying to stereotype here…some of the most passionate worshippers I have seen are older, but in general, we see vastly different styles of worship in congregations of different ages. That does not make one better, but we tend to attend the gathering that makes us more comfortable, so aging leaders tend to attract aging followers, and we see so many churches wither up as their populations age and die.
I hope I did not offend anyone here…just a few rambling thoughts.
-Stephanie
June 8th, 2007 - 05:58
I agree with what Tony said about elder family members having a place in his home and how we can project our expectations of our elder years on those who have reached that age already.
As I look at the hard choices my grandparents have had to make with their parents and now their spouses I have to remember that this was a hard choice for them taking into account the persons well-being and the financial burden of retirement home versus in house care. Part of this burden, I believe, comes from the lack of planning and investing these generations have been able to afford but this is also offset by the fact that life has changed so much in the last one hundred years that when the WWII generation was growing up they had no idea they were going to have to live in the manner they do today much less any idea they’d live this long.
I will always try my hardest to provide what I can for my parents and treat them with honor and dignity when their ability to maintain dignity has passed and Lord help us to better serve the elderly in our society.
Thank you and God bless,
May 31st, 2007 - 23:41
While I was overseas, it was commonplace for an older family member to be living with their children. They were honored, given the place of respect at the dinner table and listened to with deep reverence when they chose to speak. In organizations overseas the Western custom of newer/better/faster was the unwritten code but still the best and brightest organizations, even those with a “younger” senior managing director / president, had a group of older seasoned and wizened men whose years of life experience were valued far beyond their ability to understand wireless internet access.
I have recently witnessed a terrible form of patricide and will admit that I am a bit jaded by how the generation below mine has chosen to value skill sets and technical competency far beyond the individual value Jesus places on each person.
In my family there will always be a room open for my parents. In my family there will never be a mandatory retirement age…
John Piper was talking once about how Americans dream of an idle retirement “collecting seashells on the shore and playing endless rounds of golf”… I think that by grafting that component of “the American Dream” into our expectations we have built in a devaluing philosophy into the very fabric of our live-expectations. And friends, most expectations are in one way or another prophetic… if we expect to dry up and become useless…we will… and if we expect that, how easy it is for us to imprint that negative mojo on those who have already reached the mountain top and can see Zion on the horizon?
May 31st, 2007 - 18:58
I think some of that depends on the leader. If the leader has over time proven to be stubborn, power hungry, etc., the incentive to keep that person in leadership is not very strong. However, if the aging leader is gracious and open, it is obvious that such a person still has much positive influence and wisdom to contribute to the life of the church/family. I know in some cases character is not considered over capability (older leaders are generally not as sought after as younger leaders), but I think it should be key. God puts people of all ages in His body for a reason. We can all learn from each other. Putting someone “out to pasture” strictly because of age ultimately harms the church; it deprives them of a wealth of experiences of someone who has spent years walking with God. We need counsel from those kinds of people when we begin to substitute our plans and purposes for God’s.
May 30th, 2007 - 19:50
Organizations tend to retire aging leaders. In a good scenario, families focus more on the care of aging leaders and respect them as unique sources of history and wisdom.
Remarkably, I got wind of this thread while I was reading an article on aging in American culture vs. Japanese culture. Japanese culture does more of what I wrote above, while in America the injunction to “age gracefully” can be taken to mean we shouldn’t age at all. I suspect that’s true in churches as well.
May 30th, 2007 - 01:45
There are those who say “Respect your elders” and there are those who see an aging leader as a potential soon to be promotion.
In both the family and the organization you can find both types of people.